Saturday Morning

I'm hungry, anybody else? I'll go in on a pizza if two people want to go in on one. All I want is peps. Pepperonis that is. I got some Vanilla Coke in the fridge. We can drink that.

What's going on in the world? The New York Times is saying that Cheney is urging nations to fight terror. Is that news? Isn't that what he does every morning? Get up, read Fox Trot, have a sip of Folgers, then get on the horn with Andorra and yell at them to buy plastic wrap and duct tape.

If he wants nations to fight terror, they might end up throwing him a Wint-O-Green Lifesaver. He's got really bad breath. He's also got a permanent scowl. He looks like he's always on the verge of cracking a dirty joke.

Ooh! According the AP, Friends has taped its last episode. The audience was invitation only. I was not invited. That's puh-retty lame.

From this point forward...

My new nickname is "The J-Class Destroyer."

From time to time I give myself a nickname to shoot a little confidence my way.

Friday

Congratulations, everyone! We have made it through another week. All of us have contributed to this accomplishment and can share in the praise. Hats off.

I'd like to take a moment and remind everybody that Friday is and always will be "School Cafeteria Pizza Day." During the week we all encounter the unexpected but anchoring us all down is the fact that school cafeterias will serve pizza today. Little square pieces of pizza. And probably cartons of chocolate milk too.

What a horrible establishment school cafeterias are when they force children to pay for lunch. I'm all for a free market of ideas but kids shouldn't have to purchase their own school lunches. Especially if they go to public school. What if a little boy or girl comes up short when they get to the cashier. "Sorry, Suzie, you have to put your lunch back. You don't have enough money today. Food is a luxury you can't afford." I'm getting steamed just thinking about it.

Damn Bus

The M4 just blew right past me. I was standing at the stop. It started to pull up, then it sped up and cruised through like 8 green lights. If that's how it is, M4, that's how it is.

It is on. IT IS ON, M4 BUS!

Bad Day

The broken copy machine on the third floor is really causing some hassles.

The State of The Union

I'm watching, the President, George W. Bush, deliver the state of the union. I don't know what the state of the union is, but I've learned that if you want to ignore the economy you can describe different types of military operations seven or eight times over and mention September 11th and War on Terror repeatedly.

He just switched sentences in the middle of a sentence as if the teleprompter skipped.

He just said "America will never seek a permission slip..." Are we going on a field trip? I hope I get to sit next to the pretty girl on the bus and that she talks to me.

He's not talking about any kind of specifics, he's just making all these broad statements about how terror still exists and how we must continue to fight it.

He has that "science-class-presentation" tone of voice when he talks. His sentences are too long and he speaks with a "holy-calmness" like a kid does when he reads his book report in front of class.

Hunting Rifle

When I was a little boy I found my grandfather's hunting rifle nailed to the wall above a window. He had died long before I was born. I remember thinking that if he died before I was born and dinosaurs died before I was born, he must have hunted dinosaurs. I pictured him in some sort of model-T car that had long legs instead of wheels to get him at the dinosaurs height. I'm not sure if anyone helped me in believing my grandfather as a hunter of dinosaurs but I sure was disappointed to hear that mainly he hunted rabbits.

I remember also feeling some sort of betrayal when I found out that Abraham Lincoln was not the same Abraham that was in the Bible.

The Rules

If I enter a subway car at an off-rush-hour time period and the car is full and you are sitting down, I don't like you.

If you and I are in a line and you cut in front of me by saying "excuse me," I don't like you.

If you are on the bus and sitting in the two person seat units and sit on the outside seat so you can place your bag on the inside seat because you are afraid of people sitting next to you AND the bus is full, I don't like you.

If you are ahead of me in a line for a fast food restaurant and argue with the cashier I don't like you. Same goes if you start hitting on the cashier.

If you are a gust of wind that blows into my cell phone while I am trying to have a conversation with my mother, I don't like you.

If you have a baby carriage in A) a busy street, B) Times Square, C) a movie theatre, D) a crowded subway, or E) The West Side Market, I don't like you.

If you were the person who left the newspaper tie on the street that my feet walked into and I almost tripped as a man was repeatedly asking me for money, I don't like you.

If you are that high pitched whine I hear from the boiler downstairs whenever the heat kicks on, I don't like you.

If you are a piece of produce in my refridgerator, I like you, unless you spoil and don't let me know about it. Then, I don't like you.

If you are a dirty dish in my sink, I don't like you.

If you were that professor who gave me that test in Biology that I thought was on a one-sided piece of paper but then it turned out to be a two sided piece of paper then said "I hope you turn the paper over this time" as I was walking to class to take another test, I don't like you.

If you are my cell phone which I have set on vibrate and ring while I am going to the bathroom, I don't like you.

Morning Wishes

I had a pint of ice cream last night. I ate it all at once. It was good. I wish i saved it for breakfast though. Now all I have to eat is a bottle of Coca-Cola and canned carrots.

The story of my life.