Jeremiah's Complaints

This blog tracks my problems with the way the universe is run.

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Jeremiah Vs The Konica

I just had an slugfest with the copier. Now the finisher door won't close. You have to press your knee against it to make copies and even then it jams. It jams deep inside so I have to roll up my sleeve and reach in there being careful not to burn my soft office hands.

I don't like how people always tell me there's a problem with the copier like I have a tool bag under my desk and am a mechanic. "The copier's broken." "The copier's broken." "The copier's broken." You know what, I have had it up to here with your petty problems. You know what use another copier. There's tons of them here. I know how much it pains you to up and down stairs and how slight deviations from your everyday routine bother you but its not my fault you leave all this bogus copying to the last minute, you lazy bum. That's right I called you lazy. You know what why don't you fix some of your own problems, you might learn something about yourself and pump in a little self confidence that will make you a little more bearable."

Monday, March 29, 2004

A nice matinee...

I made this video Jimmy The Chef: Tuna Sandwiche! Check it out! Let me know if you have any problems viewing it.

Sunday, March 28, 2004

Continued from March 21st

Linda disappeared into the forest and I followed. She was a couple paces ahead of me. I didn't know she would walk so fast. I noticed I was developing a small fever. A couple beads of cold sweat dropped down my face.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"Towards the center of the island." She said. And before I asked why, she said, "You'll see."

As we marched through the forest. I noticed candy bars still in their wrapper littered the floor of the forest. I picked one up. "Where do these come from?"

"Vending machines."

There was a brief pause. I remember it well because in the next few moments I would miss such an absence of sound. Horrendous screams came from above. Linda stopped.

"The Pterodactyl Men live near the center of the island. They scream for they are in pain. They are given the gift of flight and know not what to do with it."

The branches above shook violenty. I was scared. Linda had stopped, somehow indicating that being motionless would hide us from them. Either that or she wanted to watch them.

I saw a couple silhouettes through the trees above. Men with wings. They were fast.

One fell through the branches and landed ten feet in front of Linda and I. It cocked its head to the side to get a look at us. It's head was strictly dinosaur and its body was that of a man. I knew it was a man because it was wearing a tie.

"Don't worry, they're more afraid of themselves than they are of you."