Powers

Professor Scuttle, have you bleached that blazer yet?

Everything I touch seems to fall down and break. What's up with that. is that my super power? If so I would like to a super hero code name such as "Touch-Down" or "He Make Things Fall" or "Dr. Gravity." If my name were Dr. Gravity I would float three feet from the ground and ask for an increase 0f $2 for my hourly rate as a temp. I would also wield a wand that I would always infer was the source of my power but actually it would just be some dollar store Halloween prop manufactured in a Christian pocket of Malaysia.

My secret identity would be George Charles, man about town and budding internet journalist. I would work for Nando Times during the day and be a waiter at night to supplement my paltry Nando Times income. That would leave only weekends to be Dr. Gravity. This busy schedule would leave no time for my improv groups, Jonly Bonly and Midnite Matinee. Instead I would have to see my superheroics as a form of theatre. My main days of being a super hero would be Saturday and half of Sunday (I have to sleep in at least one day a week, folks). These would be easy days to be a super hero because everyone knows that all the big tragedies happen during the workweek. Otherwise, they would put real news anchors on the weekend news.

Has anyone noticed how sexy New York news anchors are? Jeez! Sometimes I can't watch the news because the newscasters just are so sexy, their beautiful blonde locks and sparkling smiles and twinkling eyes remind me of the magazines I look at through panes of glass while I'm waiting for the E train at West 4th.

Where's Harlacher?

Has anyone seen him? Maybe he's locked inside Harlacher House.

Hello?

Mouse Down

On early Sunday morning, Mr Murphy came home to discover a mouse down in his apartment. Repeat, one mouse down.

Victory is near, comrades.

The President's New Job

President Bush get ready for 2005 by serving ribs at the Nothin' Fancy Cafe in Roswell, NM.

This is not a joke, this is the Whitehouse's website! It's reassuring to see that he's considering his options. Some other jobs the president may be good for after the next election:

Video Store Clerk. This way Cheney could be a clerk at the Kwik-E Mart next door and they could make a black and white film about their day to day foibles, entitled "Jerks."

Lunch Lady. As you can see by the link above, Bush is good at both doling out food and keeping the hungry mouths in line.

Film Extra. He has the cowboy hat and jeans which any film requiring background work could utilise.

Office Temp. When I first started temping I turned up my southern drawl and would be all folksy whenever anything went wrong, such as when I ignored the phone ringing or just played video games all day. I believe the president would take naturally to such work.

Radio Personality. If he got rid of those mile long gaps in between his words when he talks, this might be the job for him.