Underwear

I found a pair of women's panties in my laundry. I threw them in the trash, they were gross. Do you think I could get something for them on Ebay, they're Victoria Secrets? Would this auction have a reserve?

Happy Thanksgiving!

I should be doing some work.

I was sitting around pating myself on the back for understanding some of the cartoons in The New Yorker when I was thinking I really should be working on my resume right now. And this made me wonder, do you think when the President of the United States is watching some TV or a movie, he's thinking "Man, I should really be working on relations between Israel and Palestine" or "As soon as this movie's over, I'm finding Osama Bin Laden. As soon it's over. It just got good."

The President's English

I just went to the restroom at work and they have a sign up next to the sink and it has a picture of hands and soap. I glanced at at it briefly and thought that it read "Is Your Hands Healthy?" I looked back and it said something else like "Your Health Is in Your Hands." But "Is Your Hands Healthy?" reminded me of the way President Bush speaks. And then I thought about how in days of old the language of a country was dictated by the ruler, hence the phrase "the King's English." The ruler had the power to change vocabulary, grammar, and anything else associated with the words his people spoke. And then I thought, what iF that were true today? For instance in Spain there was a king who spoke with a lisp. After him, Spanish spoken in Spain was spoken with all the "s" sounds replaced with a "th" sound. I believe it's called "Castillian" (correct me if I'm wrong, Internet). And then I thought what if that mode of language was used today and President Bush dictated how English was spoken. What is we had to use the word "is" used with plurals? What if? Wouldn't that be crazy. The man is not gifted with words, our language would be in shambles. Now, if Kerry were elected (or if electronic voting machines weren't used--take your pick) we'd all have to take like an 8 week seminar in proper English. That'd be a chore and a half.

Abstaining

I've given up candy for the time being. Evryday I found myself budgeting a meal of candy into my day. Like a solid meal that was just candy. Sometimes this meal was inbetween lunch and dinner. Sometimes it was at 1:23am when I got home after an argument with the MTA. Sometimes it was even my eleven o'clock meal. I don't think its healthy to eat that much candy. So its about time for 1:23 am candy meal but since I'm abstaining I;m eating nothing. But I sure am hungry. It'd be real nice to have a hot fudge sundae. And it would be cool because the hot fudge sundae isn't candy. It's ice cream. It's hot fudge. And it's a sundae which is synonomous with church. And church isn't bad for you. It gives you a sense of tradition, values, and in a lot of cases heritage. A hot fudge sundae. So much more than candy.

I wish I had some soda too.