Fake Beer Can Ruined

I had this friend of a friend crash at my place for a few days. I didn't know him, but my friend who did was caught in a bind and I offered to have him stay in my place. He was cool, I didn't mind being a little hospitable. I've crashed at other people's places before. Well, he and his future roommate had to hang out at my place yesterday and wait for their new landlord to call them to let them into their place.

I have this fake can of "Schlitz Malt Liquor" in my fridge someone gave it to me as a birthday gift. The top unscrews and you can put pearls or rare coins or whatever in it. I thought it was pretty cool and it made me feel like a spy. I keep it my fridge. It feels like a real can and everything.

When I got home last night, the tab of the fake can had been pulled up a little bit. One of the dudes tried to drink my fake beer! The can can't open, if you pull the tab up it just bends. One of the dudes tried to drink my fake beer! There's only one can in my fridge. Were they going to split it? The bodega two doors down sells plenty of real beer. Were they actually going to drink a beer from my fridge after I let them crash in my place? Was that the deal? How desperate is that, trying to drink a fake beer?!! Now the tab is bent and it is ruined. It totally looks like a fake can of beer. I can't hide pearls, rare coins, or anything.

I'm tired of being nice. Some guy at Burger King asked me if I was going to finish my fries and I said yes.

That still gets me. If you are staying at someone's place that you don't really know that well and there's one beer in the fridge and he's not there. Do you take it? Do you spend five minutes trying to open it, give up, then put it back in the fridge?

They ruined my fake can of beer! I don't care about having a stranger crash with me for a week, having the phone ring at odd hours, lending out my scarf--I don't mind that stuff at all--but my fake friggin' can of beer was cool!

Man...