Jeremiah's Complaints

2007-07-27T10:29:00.000-04:00

2007-03-08T11:11:00.000-05:00

Von Sternberg House

2006-09-13T12:12:00.000-04:00

The New York International Fringe Festival

2006-08-22T11:28:00.000-04:00

I have been producing my own show in the New York International Fringe Festival for the past few weeks. Producing your own work is both liberating and about as fun as a bag of tacks.

We have one more show of Vote McOwskey! tonight at 7pm, look at the post below for the details. Or go to mcowskey.com for videos, comics, and exciting speeches such as this one where Eddie McOwskey recites the story of Snow White.

The show's been doing well. People laugh. People clap. People get up and leave 20 minutes into it (that only happened once and I think the gentleman had lost his keys).

Check it out tonight!

See my show!

2006-07-29T01:11:00.000-04:00

Horoscope

2006-07-25T11:56:00.000-04:00

I just read my horoscope. Whenever I read my horoscope no matter what the outlook is, it sounds like my day is going to be packed to the gills with activity. I'm going to find romance, I'm going to lose money, I'm going to treasure something I have overlooked in the past, I'm going to voice my passion.

I only have time for one of these things a day. I just read my horoscope and it sounded as if fifty things were going to happen to me today. I then looked at the astrology website I was checking out and it said "click here for your horoscope tomorrow." I am afraid to click on that link because I know I'm going to still be busy processing today's trials, surprises, and conentment. How much is going to go on tomorrow? It also had a link where I could check out yesterday's horoscope. I don't dare look at that because I know I totally missed out on all that jazz. Why can't these predictions and comments on overall cosmic influence just be one thing a day? For example: Today you find your shoes.

While I'm screaming, I want to complain about something else. In New York City they have street vendors who sell food from carts. I recommend the hot dogs. But what I want to point out are the ones that sell "Hot Nuts." They's like bags of heated up candied cashews that sit on top of a flame all day. The nuts just sit there in open air to entice people and the vendor scoops you up a bag. Last week the temperature reached 100 degrees and these guys were still out on the street selling "Hot Nuts" (that sit on a flame in open air all day). Now let me make this clear, it's not like there are other options from these carts, the only thing they sell is "Hot Nuts." I never see people buy these "Hot Nuts" in the dead of winter, who buys them during a crippling heat wave!??

Hot and Sour Soup

2006-07-20T16:25:00.000-04:00

For the past week or so I have been ordering Chinese take out for lunch. The lunch special includes a free soup which I have been selecting Won Ton soup. Today I tried Hot and Sour Soup instead. It was delicious. I don't know what I had been thinking with the Won Ton soup. I was actually disappointed when I had finished the soup.

GOOD EXCUSES FOR HAVING BACKPAIN FROM SITTING AT A DESK ALL DAY

1. You really like computers.
2. It makes you feel alive.
3. You really like digging your elbow onto your plastic desktop as you use your other hand to manipulate the mouse.

Performance Pictures

2006-05-19T12:36:00.000-04:00

Here I am, doing my classic Andrew McCarthy impression for a show called Character Dog Run. It's a show where actors bring their own characters and improvise scenes with each other. I didn't do a very good impression of Andrew McCarthy and didn't know much about him. So I just kind of made him up as I went along. I said he was in Star Wars, won the 1988 Olympics, and worked his way through medical school. That's not Andrew McCarthy wearing his pants too low, that's Jeremiah Murphy.

Here I am again as Andrew McCarthy, in the same show, seconds later. Note the change in nuance as I have begun a new beat.

This is a very important picture for me. It shows me performing on stage and proves that I have performed for at least one other person. I was hosting the Character Dog Run Show this time. I thought I'd wear a fat tie to look goofy and comedy-wise. I should probably bend my knees slightly for better posture.

The same show, mere seconds later. Something has caught my attention stage left. The audience member takes full advantage by sneaking in a slurp. If it wasn't for this photo I would have ahd no idea.

Here is Sealegs McGoo, performing in the Character Dog Run Show. He's singing "I'm strong in the mornin' Because I eat me creamed corn-in." The tune never really went where I would have liked it to.

This is Sealegs talking to his pet canary, "Do you want a cracker, YES OR NO, I DON'T SPEAK BIRD!" The bench behind me is made out of wood. Often when I appear on stage my hands move so fast that not even digital cameras can capture their image.

Early Tuesday Morning

2006-04-18T02:30:00.000-04:00

Hey Gang,

Jeremiah here. I would like to have my own version of the TV show, "The Apprentice."

Jeremiah Murphy's The Apprentice. The series would pit a crew of go-getters against each other in competition to clean my kitchen, balance my checkbook, tape my shows, and find me a new job. Nobody would be fired. I need all the help I can get.

The Eddie McOwskey Show

2006-03-13T15:35:00.000-05:00

Dear Folks,

Come see Eddie McOwskey, candidate for New Jersey State Governors,
rally up support in his hour of glory (which will be around 30-40
minutes) this Thursday, 3/16 at 10pm at The Manhattan Comedy
Collective. The stakes are too high to stay home! We can win this!

Feel free to bring questions and concerns for Mr McOwskey as they will
be addressed in a town meeting with the candidate and his guest
supporters.

The Eddie McOwskey Show
With Eddie "Jeremiah Murphy" McOwskey
& Special Guests portrayed by Laura Dillman, Amey Goerlich, and Chris Ryan
Thursday March 16, 2006, 10:00pm, $5 Tickets
24 Bond Street at Lafayette
(the theatre in the basement, not the one on the ground floor)
#6 to Bleecker Street at Lafayette
W & R to 8th Street or Prince St
B,D,F,V to Broadway/Lafayette

Check out the candidate at: WWW.MCOWSKEY.COM
You have the power to change the world and your clothes!

Presented by the Manhattan Comedy Collective at the Gene Frankel Underground

HARLACHER HOUSE

2006-03-08T11:45:00.000-05:00

19 Questions

2006-02-27T13:41:00.000-05:00

1. Where is all the gold?

2. If currency is born from the trading of goods and services does money represent either or just a publicly acceptable means of obtaining either?

3. Where do the majority of the people in the world sleep?

4. If you had a choice of sleeping outside, comfortably, or sleeping inside what would you pick?

5. If you could have any super power what would it be?

6. If you were in that Twilight Zone episode where those people found that libray that books pf their lives and they could write what happens next how come they didn't change any of the text from their past? Would they have known what was going on if the books were in French?

7. What city has the best wings?

8. If you were a vegetarian and President of the United States would you breath on people with your spinach breath as you were trying to lobby congress into passing a certain bill.

9. If pizza is so great how come they don't serve it at Church?

10. What if there was a robot version of each of us that came out at night while we were sleeping and repeated our day's activities?

11. If you had a choice between buying a new blazer or a new car, what would you pick?

12. If you were on a street approaching Harlacher House, what would be on that street?

13. How many Presidents knew how to swim?

14. What size envelope would the Devil use to mail his rebates?

15. Where does unused ice cream go?

16. How more flavors can possibly be discovered?

17. What are mortgage rates on Mars?

18. If alien invaders swooped down from the heavens would they swoop back up or ascend?

19. Should I steal the electric pencil sharpener from work?

18 QUESTIONS

2006-02-22T14:22:00.000-05:00

1. Where do most peoples dreams take place? In places they know or new places?

2. What is the most common name of a dog?

3. How does an octopus keep its hands warm when it is cold outside?

4. If I were to walk from New York City to Washington D.C., on my own two feet, how much money would I make?

5. When someone takes back their words, does that really mean anything?

6. Have telecommunications and computers made us less likely to cotnact people face to face?

7. When is my next big vacation?

8. What is the cheapest place to travel to?

9. How many times has the word "the" been said since its conception?

10. Is there someone not born from my parents with the exact same DNA as me?

11. Are you still afraid of scary movies?

12. Do most people look forward to things or avoid things during the day?

13. Because fire can reproduce, is it a life form?

14. Can trees and plants read our thoughts?

15. Do people still claim to see flying saucers?

16. What would it take to ultimately change someone's point of view?

17. Has science defined the concept of "the self?"

18. Do people see the same colors? Is my blue your blue?

17 QUESTIONS

2006-02-21T11:49:00.000-05:00

1. When is Harlacher House opening?

2. If a great number of people are unhappy with their job, their politicians, and their quality of life in a free and democratic society, who is to blame?

3. What is the healthiest fruit?

4. Is global warming affecting the magnetic poles?

5. Exactly what amount of sleep is necessary to wake up with a sharp mind?

6. How many rooms will Harlacher House have?

7. Where can I go to summon the power of my ancestors?

8. What is done to tap water before it comes out of the tap?

9. Is time travel possible?

10. Are we running out of space to toss our garbage?

11. Why don't people waiting on the platform stand aside when the subway doors open?

12. Earwax: helpful or hurtful?

13. Whatever happened to the flying cars and video phones and ice cream shops on the moon?

14. If I were to step inside Harlacher House and face my left, what would I see.

15. If I promised to tell you untold wonders and then said nothing, would you be disappointed?

16. What is for lunch today?

17. Why do people like the way beef tastes?

INTELLECTUALISM VERSUS ART

2006-02-21T11:42:00.000-05:00

This will be the first in a series of posts examining the conflict between intellectualism and art.

If everyone could prepare a brief paragraph on the subject and post it in the comment section I would be grateful.

Hopefully this discussion can pave for more discussion between those who create and those who talk too much.

The Virtual Dinner Date

2006-02-19T22:39:00.000-05:00

Check it out: http://cgi.ebay.com/Virtual-Dinner-Date_W0QQitemZ9104469516

A new career

2006-02-03T11:31:00.000-05:00

I'm pondering a career in slouch modelling.

Consequence, Kanye West, and Me

2006-01-27T12:02:00.000-05:00

The other day I shot a music video for Consequence and Kanye West for "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly." I play a hotel porter. The video should be pretty cool. There was a green screen, a flat bed truck, and me in Brooklyn at 5 o'clock in the morning.

To all those who have asked, yes there is a "G" train.

IT IS NICE OUTSIDE

2006-01-09T11:21:00.000-05:00

It is very nice outside. I hear birds and the faint whisper of trees.

I knew this woman from Catalan once and she would pronounce "birds" as "beards." This sounds like a common mispronounciation but it confused me. "Look at tbe beards!"

Sometimes I wish a ladder would drop to the sky and I would climb it. When I got to the top I would see stars and be able to stand on clouds. And there would be a couch that I could take back to my apartment so I wouldn't have to be bothered with Craigslist.

LUNCH

2006-01-05T16:23:00.000-05:00

I had vegetables for lunch today. Real nice ones.

A fictional blog posting

2006-01-04T15:04:00.000-05:00

Today, Brian, Lenny, and Claire snuck out for lunch and hit the beach. It was all fun and games until the cops busted us for playing cards. Note to self: next time leave the gambling chips at home.

Before the cops came, Lenny admitted to loving every minute of going to the beach. It was kind of ironic when the cops came, right after that.

We all got a warning or a summons. i'm not sure really, I threw whatever it was in the trash.

I remember when I was little my mom told me the trash is for paper, the garbage is for food.

I have to go now. Lots of typing to do. My hands are dry.

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE LETTER Q

2006-01-04T14:48:00.000-05:00

Dear Letter Q,

You are crazy! I can't believe the stuff you get away with. Your style really inspires me.

Whenever I see a word that begins with you, I don't know what to do. I'm not quite sure what your exact pronounciation is, especially when there's no U next to but I think you have a "k" sound.

Sometimes when I send bluk emails on Gmail, I go through the alphabet and see how many friends I have with email addresses that begin with every letter and nobody ever begins with Q. You and Z should get together.

Please write back!

All my best,

The Letter Jeremiah

Airplane Seats

2005-12-28T21:27:00.000-05:00

Am I one of the precious few people who view putting your airplane seat back as rude? When I'm on a plane I have basically enough room to have my knees rest an inch away from the seat in front of me. Then when the plane gets up to where it needs to be and the airplane folk make the announcement that everyone's free to adjust their seats, the person in front of me--usually some fellow with glasses and a roll of hot dogs on the back of the neck--throws the seat back as far as it can go, crushing my legs. The only reason my legs are being crushed is to slightly benefit the man sitting in front of me. Airplane seats aren't comfortable, pushing the seat back a couple inches and making me more miserable isn't going to make your flight a maginificent dream of comfort. Thank you.

2005-12-20T16:24:00.000-05:00

Is it five o'clock yet?

Holiday Party Tips

2005-12-16T16:56:00.000-05:00

1. Appear popular. Arrive early, when someone you know shows up, collapse your neck and let out an "Oh thank god, I thought I'd be the only one here. I can't believe you're wearing that." Tnen monopolize the person's social space. Goal: Always have someone to talk to, appear popular. Drawbacks: People will write emails about you on Monday.

2. Location. Have a party far away from everyone else then repeatedly mention how its not as far as people think it is. This is primarily for parties in Brooklyn. Goal: Convince people that Brooklyn is accessible. Drawbacks: People may have to travel up to 90 minutes to get to your party. The ride home will be feature hardships only encountered in early American literature.

3. Candy canes. Bring a fistful of candy canes then demand people have one. Goals: None. Drawbacks: Cavities, sticky hands.

I'm so messy

2005-12-07T16:20:00.000-05:00

Ships come to my desk to die.

Snacks

2005-12-06T12:05:00.000-05:00

I recommend the following snack if you are lazy and don't care what you eat:

Open a can of refried beans.
Scoop out half the can into a bowl.
Squirt in some barbecue sauce.
Mix and serve.

If you are very motivated this can be heated, but then its your responsibility to wash the pan.

AN OPEN LETTER TO SUNLIGHT

2005-11-14T09:49:00.000-05:00

Dear Sunlight,

I noticed a couple weeks back, when we all turned the clocks back an hour for Daylight Savings time, that you aren't around as much. I thought I would have remembred this from last year. But I have noticed a considerable decrease in daylight starting as early as 3:30 in the afternoon. The week before daylight savings I had psyched myself up to start running every day after work at around 5:30. Now by 5:30 the onlight source of light are low wattage street bulbs and the shining of knives from potential muggers.

What needs to be done to get you to stay out a little while longer? I remember one summer I spent in England the sun stayed up until around 11 o'clock at night! What kind of deal did those guys score to get the "sweet treatment?"

I really miss you, Daylight, as I have started to wind down my day starting at around 2 o'clock now. This is a shame, because I really don't get ready to do anything until around 3 o'clock.

I have recently compensated by trying to go to bed earlier in hopes of waking up earlier. Not only do I miss being hypnotized by late night television but I don't wake up any earlier. And if I do, I spend the extra time being hypnotized by morning television.

Come on, Sunlight stick around for a couple hours longer.

Sincerely,

Jeremiah Murphy

Good Morning

2005-11-09T10:05:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone. Not much to complain about today except overcast. It's grey skies in New York City. One of those gloomy Wednesdays where you just want to lie on your 5 foot long couch and watch the Tony Danza Show in hopes that Jerry O'Connel will be a guest so that you can close your eyes and pretend those were the friends you never had in high school.

THE NEWS

2005-11-04T10:06:00.000-05:00

This is my newest project, an online news summary video blog with my usual charm and panache.

THE NEWS

Ring RIng

2005-10-27T10:00:00.000-04:00

Sometimes the phone rings I don't want to pick it up. And if someone is near me and hears my phone ring whether at work, at home, or by any old phone, I usually get the ole "Are you going to answer that?" or "You should probably answer that." I feel that society has somehow over the years gotten the idea that not answering a phone is rude. Why is it that when someone wants to speak to you, that's all they need to warrant your speaking to them? Shouldn't you be given the option to answer the phone? When did manners enter into picking up the phone when it rings? Why must people be instantly gratified whenever they can?

I can understand when someone speaks to you in person and you ignore them how that is rude, but that is face to face. I believe that we are currently using methods of telecommunications as extensions of our physical selves. Telephones are becomming our ears and mouths.

Thoughts?

Me

2005-10-27T00:00:00.000-04:00

This is me. Trying to whistle and feeling insecure.

Cold Snap

2005-10-26T10:41:00.000-04:00

It was so cold in New York City last night, I could hang meat in my sauna because it was more like a walk-in freezer.

It was so cold in New York City last night, I went to bed an woke up a thousand years in the future.

It was so cold in New York City last night, I stuck my TV dinner in the freezer just to heat it up.

Seriously folks, it was cold. And I'm not talking women won't talk to me on the subway cold. I'm talking Hell just opened up its first ice skating store cold. Why do people ice skate in Hell? Because they are being punished.

Just kidding folks, ice skating is a lovely sport. The sport of Kings and high rolling tourists. Has anybody been to Rockefeller Center lately?

News

2005-10-19T13:59:00.000-04:00

Here's the big news folks. For those of you chronicling my technological advancement through the digital age, I have decided to post all of my movies ona blogger page. Located here:

http://jeremiahsmovies.blogspot.com/

In other news, a while ago, I posted how I bought a car and was going to travel cross country. This was meant to be an elaborate hoax where I'd give new pictures and journaling of my wonderful adventure through the United States. Well, times are tough and I don't have the energt to perpetuate this hoax. Maybe some other time. Sorry.

In even more news, I'm in the market for a new pair of pants. Anybody got a coupon?

Umbrellas: SCAM!

2005-10-12T13:15:00.000-04:00

Umbrellas are the biggest scam going right now. I'm not talking about prices of umbrellas. I speak of the devices themselves. One assumes that they will provide shelter from the elements. I walked to work today through pouring rain with an umbrella and I got soaked except for a small two inch circle on the top of my head. This always happenes and I always open my umbrellas with the fullest confidence that I will be protected. What a shame. I don't like being lied to be people nor by the structural design of devices. A scam!

Serious

2005-10-04T15:34:00.000-04:00

Why do people say "I was just kidding" but not "I was just being serious"?

I was just trying to achieve a sense of solmenity

I was just bemoaning.

Think about it and get back to me. Thanks. Gotta run.

What's wrong with the Midwest?

2005-09-25T12:05:00.000-04:00

I've been hearing a lot of insulting comments about the people of the Midwest recently. Phrases like "Your stereotypes of the Midwest are true." I don't have any stereotypes about people from the Midwest. What's wrong with them? Is the Midwest any more of a threat than generalizing groups of people?

Thoughts

2005-09-25T08:22:00.000-04:00

Thoughts I've had in my head in the previous 24 hours.

1. Why is he jump roping in the middle of the walkway? What's that other guy doing? He's rehearsing a song. Why'd he get quiet when I walked by? Ha Ha. He's nervous.

2. I'm hungry.

3. I can see what that person's text messaging her friend "Joy! We should get together." Why do kids use adult phrases like that? What to do they do when they get together? Sip Earl Grey, talk about the PTA, and lament they have taken more advantage of the past?

4. That was a loud noise.

5. I can't belive tha person pressed up against me when she plopped herself down on the subway seat.

6. Why are there so many people at Whole Foods?

7. I really need to clean this apartment. Where can I get a decent room odorizer.

8. Is it too early to go to bed?

9. Do I really feel sick or do I just feel too lazy to make plans and do them?

10. That medecine tastes nasty.

11. That medecine tastes good.

12. I have some ideas for fictional short stories.

13. I'm IMing on my free time. But I'm enjoying it. I really should only IM at work.

14. This thing looks like a castle. Is someone folllowing me. I just saw something. In the corner of my eye. Look at this dude, he's totally going to mug me in the middle of the park. I hope have enough cash on me so when he mugs me, he doesn't get angry and dirty my shoes or something.

15. I shouldn't judge people based on their appearances.

16. It's getting cold outside. But to wear a jacket would just be vain.

The Cold

2005-09-24T12:02:00.000-04:00

The cold has creeped into New York City this morning. It sneaked passed me on a saturday morning. If I had gotten up earlier I would have said goodbye to the summer. But it has already left.

Do people think they can get away with wearing pants with belt loops without pants? What's the theory behind that?

If you could see my apartment right now you would think that some criminal had broken in and trashed the place. That is just the foot print I leave after a week of throwing my clothes on the floor and not cleaning up my yogurt containers. I remember I had a job at a restaurant once and I would eat yogurt in the lounge. The lounge was a 4 foot wide hallway. I would eat yogurt in their on my breaks and one time the manager left a weekly list of notes for the fellow entertainment staff mentioning for people to please throw away their yogurt cups. that was back in the day when I made sure I ate organic yogurt. Now I'll rip anything off the shelf that's fifty cents. I do miss the 8 ounce cups though. Where have they gone?

Amusement

2005-09-15T16:28:00.000-04:00

For a quick laugh next time they show footage of the United Nations on the news, in particular pictures of that big room where everyone listens to one person talk, when the camera pans to the delegates in their seats look for US ambassador to the UN John Bolton. Not too pick on the man, but in a crowd of well groomed foriegn dignitaries he really sticks out. A shave and a haircut really do make a difference, especially when your job is to be the appearance of the United States.

Checking In

2005-09-15T16:24:00.000-04:00

I'm just popping by to clear out the cob webs. I hope everything is going well.

I bought my first car yesterday. I will keep you posted as I write about my trips across the country.

To the 30th Century!

2005-08-19T11:25:00.000-04:00

I have attempted to start podcasting. You can listen to my efforts here:

http://jeremiahpodcast.blogspot.com

Hot

2005-08-11T18:22:00.000-04:00

It is so hot out, I had to lay in a tanning bed just to cool off a bit!

It is so hot out, I used my fireplace as an AIR CONDITIONER!

It is so hot out, I lit and match and sucked on the flame because I was all out of popsicles!

It is so hot out, I booked a vacation to the SUN!

It is so hot out, I drank a pot of boiling water to the temperature a tad.

Annoying People

2005-08-11T17:58:00.000-04:00

I don't know what it is about the dog days of summer but I believe they flush out all the creepy dudes, the idiots, and the people who are incurably annoying. And if I could pause and ask everyone a question, why are crazy people so loud?

Today I was at the park and noticed a couple by a pond. Ther boyfriend was taking pictures of his girlfriend sitting on a rock next to the ducks. Then this tall bumbling dude comes in between them with a fishing pole and starts casting away. A) It's a big pond. B) Don't fish in Central Park. To make it even worse, he would work his shoulders into it and very forcefully fly fish. Who relaxes by rapidly fly fishing? Idiots. That's who. He was wearing a big yellow t-shirt. I'm convinced that the yellow t-shirt is nature's way of saying look out everyone this dude's going to interrupt everybody's nice day.

Yesterday, I got on the train. A man who was nicely dressed got on at the same stop. This woman with a horribly loud voice starts screaming that a famous man is on the train. And that the rest of us don't know who he is because we don't know history. I believe her overall purpose was to praise the man but he sat there pretending he didn't know what was happening, while the woman--who I believe was wearing a nice yellow blouse--condemned society and angrily declared to the rest to the subway car, at the top of her voice. She kept this up at a steady clip for around fifteen minutes. Screaming angry praise. A word to the crazy people out there, if you breath from your diaphragm and let your voice start their as opposed to the back of your throat you'll sound nicer and also save your voice.

Then I transfered to another train. It was hot. Nobody wanted to be on it. It was crowded. An older man was passed out on a few of the seats. Sure, its inconsiderate but this is New York City, some people need to sleep on the train. Another man--with a white t-shirt which was yellowed--starts yelling at the man who is sleeping that he needs to get up, he's taking up seats. The sleeping man finally gets up to offer him a seat. The yelling man goes "I don't want to sit there, you got your dirt all over the seat" then goes back to his friends and laughs about it. Then the man comes back to the sleeping man--keep in mind this subway car is packed and sweaty--and just continues to berate the sleeping man, at the top of his voice (yellowed t-shirt man, please take note of the not above about using your diaphragm) for his own amusement. Why must people be so rude? Let the man sleep.

Also, that very same day, I was riding the train home and a man comes through the subway car asking for money. He travels up and down the car asking for money. And might I add, he used a comfortable volume and his voice had a welcome richness of breath. He had raggy clothes and shoes, he looked like he was on hard times. A woman stops him. She starts talking. He kindly lowers his head, and with the most politeness I have seen all day, listens to the woman while she gives him a lecture which starts off "You know a dollar here and a dollar there isn't really going to help things." She's not giving him money, she's lecturing the poor man! Lady, who are you? He let her finish then moved on to another car. Picking on the poor? What is up with people?

Pressboard

2005-07-27T00:09:00.000-04:00

There's something to be said for pressboard. It's very nice looking and easy to carry. Why, if I were to be mistaken i would think my desk is made out of the finest cherry oak in all of New England.

2005-07-21T10:04:00.000-04:00

My running shoes are silver. I bought them because I thought they would be cool. But the shiny pleather is losing its charm. I feel like I'm wearing an 8 year old girls snow shoes. I guess in terms of everyday living you're better offf selecting things which aren't as visually striking as silver running shoes. Maybe its the equivalent of wearing a tuxedo everyday. However, there should be no comparisons between my silver running shoes and a tuxedo.

Compliments for John Roberts

2005-07-20T13:57:00.000-04:00

John Roberts is the President's choice to be the next Supreme Court Justice. Supreme Court Justices get vote on a panel and determine how laws are interpreted, relate to the constitution, and if they are good laws. This is a lifetime post. The Supreme Court is very powerful and very difficult to defy or overturn. Basically what they say, goes. You probably knew all that, if not more.

Anyway, from all the news coverage I have mistakenly watched all the information I see about the man are "pleasant" compliments. Everyone is very impressed how charming and funny Mr Roberts. Apparently he's quite the character. I saw a friend of his on the morning show and he kept saying how he was more interested in John Roberts' wife and what a great woman she is. And on other shows whenever people who know him are asked about his leanings on issues they always answer first by stating what a gentleman, and a funny and charming one at that.

What's the deal? Why are the talking points consist of how charming the man is? People are talking about the next Supreme Court Justice and describing him like they would the neighborhood's top babysitter, a good person to car pool with, or someone who would be a good date for your friend who just had a tough break up.

It's Supreme Court Madness, people.

Supreme Court Madness

2005-07-20T13:20:00.000-04:00

It's that time of the year again where everyone gets all excited about the Supreme Court. It's what people are talking about at the water cooler, on their smoke breaks, and in teen centers across the nation.

Nothing quite grabs this country like its fascination with the Supreme Court. Kids love it. It's fun to follow your favoirite cases and see how they affect your liberties.

One of the most powerful branches of government, the Supreme Court decides how to interpret laws made by the friends we elect to the Senate, the house of representatives, and sometimes the presidency.

Another Virtual Dinner Date!

2005-07-19T13:59:00.000-04:00

Another chance for you to get your virtual dinner date!

Ideas for Stage Dramas

2005-07-19T11:52:00.000-04:00

Idea Number One:

Home From School
by Jeremiah Murphy

When arriving home from college, Anton, the son of a Russian Literature Professor, discovers that his mother has moved out of the house into a boarded up shack in the backyard. His father never makes any mention of the new situation and instead becomes consumed by composing 5 minute operas based on the aftermath of the Crimean War. The operas are beautiful, as well they should be, as the old man, Dr Scratch, who lives in the basement has been helping Anton's father compose them. Anton's high school sweetheart, Emily, stops by one day and offers Anton a handful of gold to marry her so she can carry on a relationship with a middle aged librarian, Theodore, who killed her brother in a car accident last fall. Anton's mother refuses to come out of her shed. The operas fill the house and interfere with Anton's leisure reading. Mr Scratch reveals to Anton that he is the devil and offers him eternal happiness in exchange for his soul. How can one have eternal happiness if his soul is sold to the Devil? What exactly is Dr Scratch offering? Emily hears Anton and Dr Scratch and offers to sell her soul to bring her brother back to life so that she can marry Theodore in good conscience. Dr. Scratch ponders the offer. Anton goes to the bank and asks for a loan for the mobile home he bought with the gold coins that Emily gave him (and has since taken back) to feign marriage so she could be with Theodore. At the bank office, Mr Crabbage, reviews Anton's loan application and informs him that it will take until the end of the play to process his loan. Anton could sell the mobile home back to make up his losses but he has already discussed going on a cross country spiritual pilgrammage to an ancient american relic in southern Canada with his high school second string sweetheart, Patty, whom he never gave love a chance because he always thought there was something better out there but has since thought about it and thinks if companionship is what he really wants on a journeys to the ancient American shrine, Patty may be the one. A literary agent, Hank Muntz, from an Off-Broadway house offers to buy 6 of Anton's father's 5 minute operas and even considers the play currently being performed in which he is a character. But what of Anton's mother? In the shack she has painted a self portrait so life like it has gained a soul of its own. Dr Scratch accepts Emily's offer and her brother comes back to life . He then claims Emily's soul and she is instantly killed. Theodore weeps and offers to sell his soul to bring Emily back to life. Dr Scratch considers the offer. Patty starts to cook a meal for Anton and then realizes she has had no interest in him for the past three years. What is she doing with her life? Anton's mother, a little creeped by the painting with the soul, leaves the shack and returns to the house, where Anton's father has begun auditioning directors alongside Hank Muntz. Anton's father breaks down crying that his wife has returned. Anton's mother explains that it was because of the painting with the soul in the shack. One of the directors at the director's audition remarks what a complex drama is in progress. Hank Muntz agrees and mentions again how he has been considering shopping the play around in which he is a character. The auditioning director delivers a monologue on fate which summons the painting into the house. Emily is raised from the dead as Dr Scratch has claimed both the soul of her and Theodore. Both feeling foolish they sit through a monologue by Dr Scratch as he explains how the divine creates and the "un-divine" destroys. Anton, feeling neglected as the main character, storms into his house and sees a flying painting, Hank Muntz, his mother, his father, an auditioning director as well as the whole audience. Anton leaps into the audience and apologizes for the lack of comedy, his favorite form of entertainment, and launches into a monologue about comedy and sadness. An usher approaches Anton and directs him to a seat. "Oh how tempting it is to watch instead of act," he says as he sits. Emily stops Dr Scratch's monologue and says that while the "un-divine" may destroy Dr Scratch has in fact created a stronger love between Emily and Theodore, a love which has been created anew because of their mutual sacrifices. Dr Scratch has been outwitted and Emily and Theodore reclaim their souls. Anton cheers in the audience! He attempts to re-enter the play but the usher stops him. Emily's brother raised from the dead sings a song about the beauty of heaven. Such sweet chords age Emily's brother into a full grown man. The spiritual bauty which now flushes from Emily's brother attracts the painting with a soul and gives the soul a new body which looks just like Anton's mother. At the end of the play there is a triple wedding with Emily's brother and the painting lady, Emily and Theodore, and Anton's mother and father (they give a brief monologue explaining their youthful preference for not getting married). We see Dr Scratch in the shack painting a portrait of his own. Is he creating? Hank Muntz and his director friend officiaite the wedding and during the proceedings invite Anton back into the play where Patty apologizes for leading him on. The bank officer interrupts the ceremony and says that Anton's loan has been denied. The play just stops and the cast freezes until the audience decides its the right time to leave.

Cell Phone

2005-07-19T11:35:00.000-04:00

I hate my cell phone. I got a new one a couple months ago. It takes more time to turn on than my college computer. It has so many features and icons it looks like an Egyptian tomb. When it rings it shows me a picture of itself ringing. I don't need my mind messed with like that. And when I miss a call it says "MISSED CALL" then has a little picture of itself surrounded by question marks as if it were saying "Where the HELL were you?" If I miss a call, I miss a call, don't make a big deal about it cell phone. And on top of that everytime the phone rings I need to charge the battery up again.

I've noticed in New York City, the little newspaper stands are offering phone charging stands for like $5 for 10 minutes. Now I know why, my phone's operating system has such a high powered processor it needs a nuclear power cell to sustain a fifteen minute phone conversation.

And not to mention how hot the phone gets when I talk on it because there's so much juice coarsing through it to power the fully animated display screen. My phone gets so hot when I talk on it I feel like I'm pressing my cheek against the cheek of the person i'm talking to on my cell phone. Which would be sweet if it were loved one, but most of the time its just saying "You have no new messages." I don't want to press my cheek up against that lady's cheek. Her breath smells like burnt cell phones.

Movie Theaters

2005-07-19T11:14:00.000-04:00

I spent four hours in a movie theater yesterday. I was on a train home and the train informed me that it was going to skip my stop and make express stops so I figured I might as well just ht the cinema.

I got to the theater and immediately bought my popcorn. Before I bought my popcorn I had forgotten that I had to use the bathroom. I was by myself, had to use the bathroom, and a had a small popcorn in my hand. I didn't know what to do. I can't bring the popcorn into the bathroom with me. What would I do? Put it on top of the urinal and maybe snack a little while I do my business? Place it on the sink and come back to it, hopeing people don't give me dirty glances or dry their hands on my popcorn? Camp out in a stall? I finally just wrapped it in a plastic bag and put it in my backpack.

After that over thought dilemma was done with I headed into the theater. It was a science fiction movie. I saw that a little boy and his mother or father (it was dark, I couldn't tell) where in the same row as me. I thought it was very sweet as I remembered going to the movies with my mother or father when I was young. I hadn't noticed the child was delivering a seminar to his parent until the movie began and I heard constant chatter from down the row as the child pointed things out, asked what just happened, and demanded to know if one scene was a dream sequence. I thought the loud sci-fi effects of the novie would drown out the child's speech however whenever there was an explosion or the dramatic music would swell the child would raise his voice over the sound so that he could be heard.

I didn't like the movie that much. The characters in the movie who were supposed to be old friends talked to each other like I imagine I would talk to people I was in a doctor's office with for a day. I wanted to see a good movie so I got out of that movie and went into another. This second movie was better but I got "movie-face' from staring in one direction too long and forty five minutes into it the movie theater seat felt like I planted myself in a milk crate.

Sunday Morning

2005-07-10T10:52:00.000-04:00

I am hungry. I am so hungry right now I can't believe it. I have lost faith with my own hunger. Without believing in how hungry I am, I have strayed from my values and become a rogue. A rogue of my own hunger.

I am housesitting for a friend and don't have the heart to eat my friend's Lean Cuisines. That would be too inconsiderate. Instead I have stolen a handful of peanuts and some Ritz crackers. I feel guilty and am even more hungry. The obvious solution would be to go outside and actually get something to eat but my hair is messy and I would like to avoid embarassing myself.

My name is Jeremiah. I come from the stars.

Direction

2005-07-10T10:50:00.000-04:00

Everyone has an inner compass and if you don't follow it, you will become lost.

Wisdom

2005-06-16T11:37:00.000-04:00

Money isn't everything, unless it's all you have.

Virtual Dinner Date

2005-06-15T12:51:00.000-04:00

To the highest bidder will go one video tape of me sharing a meal...

The Virtual Dinner Date

Confession

2005-06-13T22:45:00.000-04:00

For the last five years, I've been experimenting with my sloppiness.

The 4:00 Dash

2005-06-10T14:22:00.000-04:00

I like when 4:00 rolls around the office and everyone makes the mad dash to not do work for an hour. People go to extraordinary lengths to just not do work from 4:00pm on. Myself, I go into "crazy check email" mode, go the bathroom periodically during the hour, or stand up away from desk and sip water. Sometimes I just stare at the empty parts of my desk and look for patterns and visions in the wood. Whatever it takes to not do anything productive.

The Weather

2005-06-05T10:43:00.000-04:00

It just got really hot. I think the world is in process of ending. Which kind of works out for me because my job takes a two month unpaid break in a couple weeks. Although I should probably finish up some projects that I've been working on. Just so they'll be done.

Wisdom

2005-05-27T11:50:00.000-04:00

I have never bought anything I own by stealing it.

Water is fresh yet comes from the ground.

Little men live on Mars, yet Little Women live in the movies and on Broadway.

Beware the Ides of March, they spoil within two weeks.

Blue jeans are good jeans and green jeans are mean jeans.

I have no super powers but I can fly, inside an aeroplane.

Movie Pitches

2005-05-26T15:29:00.000-04:00

Mount Everest The Movie

It's a movie we've all been waiting to see. It stars me, two sticks found in my back yard, this little Italian ballerina, and a dog who will charm your pants off. You should see this ballerina she can dance on walls with those pointed toes of hers. Like a gyroscope. Basically, the movie chronicles how Moutn Everest got so friggin' tall. There's a car chase involving the Carpathian Mountains. And the end has a sweet little surprise which makes me think of "The Way We Were." In other words, it makes me cry. Truly a touching story. And more importantly a touching story about Mount Everest. Finally. Anybody got Fifty mill?

Thursday

2005-05-26T11:24:00.000-04:00

Today is I-Wish-I-Had-A-Jet-Pack-Thursday. I wish I had a jet pack so I could flick on the power boosters and leave this boring office through the skylight. I'd probably shatter glass and have to clean it up tomorrow. But I wouldn't. Because I'm going through one of those I-don't-feel-like-being-here-so-I'll-be-difficult Phases.

Star Wars

2005-05-24T14:47:00.000-04:00

I saw the latest Star Wars movie, "Revenge of the Sith." It was very exciting. There were robots and space ships and sometimes the robots would fight the space ships.

I went and saw it in a full movie theatre. The place was packed. I enjoyed screaming loud before the movie began. As the film was starting I saw these three kids raise their toy lightsabers. I looked around the large theatre expecting to see a whole tapestry of plastic light sabers raised in allegiance to Star Wars. I was disappointed. It was just the three kids.

I am currently on a liver cleanse diet and could not have any popcorn so I brought a ziploc bag of homemade fun treats which included a mix of cashews, pecans, almonds, and oat rolled dates. It was delicious, althought I think I ate the caloric and fat equivalent of two steaks. Two steaks and Star Wars? Sounds like a good day to me. Thank you, George Lucas.

I Am Tired

2005-05-16T22:42:00.000-04:00

I am absolutely pooped. I feel like a lump of lead. Like a big lug. I'm so tired I am jealous of sand. It just lies there. And when its thrown or kicked it's just plops down and takes a nap. I am so beat right now. I am so wiped. I need to hit the hay and chew ona few Z's. I really am exhausted, y'all. I could use a few winks. You know what I need to do? Take a load off. I need to set a spell, y'all. I really do. Hit the sack. Hit it with a thump. Where's talking sleeping on my back tired because I'm too zonked to roll over. I'm just going to zonk out. Did you hear me yawn just now? I sounded like a very tired man yawning before he takes a much needed sleep. If I were a bear I would be in a cave hibernating because hibernating is another word for sleeping. I could use some slumber. I'm all petered out over here. I think it is time for a wee bit of shut eye. Good night, everyone.

Dear People At My Job

2005-05-16T22:25:00.000-04:00

Dear People at My Job,

Stop asking me questions. Stop it. I'm not singling anybody out, this applies to everyone. Stop asking how to do things, if I know things, and can I do things. Stop it. I average being asked a question once every 30 seconds. It is driving my insane. Enough. And don't try to cheat by making a passive statement and hoping I will jump in with an answer. Example: "Oh my, the copier broke. I wish there was something I could do about it." You say this, expecting me to say I'll fix it. You are not a victim. You are a person capable of asking questions when you need things. This passive approach to requesting assistance is the number one factor in taking you off my cool list. However even if you do muster up the courage to ask me something please refer to the beginning of this paragraph where I told you to stop asking me questions. Basically from now on don't count on me as a source of assistance but just merely someone to say hello to. If you need help with something, just pu it off for a couple months. The weather's too nice for me to think about filling out forms, accessing my knowledge of office protocol, or removing paper jams. Thank you.

Jeremiah

PS And also please stop throwing exposition at me. Yes, I care about yourwelfare. Yes, everyone needs to vent. And yes, you have it very rough, all of you. However, if you have a story to tell, you better give me some juice and crackers along with it.

Screenwriting

2005-05-10T14:48:00.000-04:00

If I were to teach a screenwriting class I would conduct the final exam in the following way. I would give no hints or warnings I would simply instruct the students to show up at the final exam room at a prompt time. When the students arrived there would be those blue exam books and a couple sharpened pencils. I would kindly ask them to have a seat, congratulate them on the course they have chosen in life, being artists, and I would tell them the exam would begin in five minutes so they still had time to freshen up in the bathroom. Before the exam would begin, I would offer everyone a diet coke, After everyone had a Diet Coke, I would lay down the rules of the exam:

You have two hours to write, complete, and find a producer with firm shooting dates for your screenplay. The exam would be pass/fail. If any of the objectives were not met, the student would fail. I would call this class, Screenwriting: The Basics.

The Presidential Press Conference Drinking Game

2005-05-02T13:40:00.000-04:00

Here are the rules everytime President Bush says "I appreciate that question" the players take a drink.

Red State Version: Players drink from whatever sixpack is on sale at the gas station.

Blue State Version: Players drink Green Tea purchased at a Starbucks.

Game is only played once every 6-8 months.

My Desk is Messy

2005-04-21T14:09:00.000-04:00

Today as I was walking to work I noticed two people wearing green. For 15 minutes I was convinced it was Saint Patrick's day. Then one of my friends at work was wearing a green sweater. But today is not Saint Patrick's Day. It is Thursday.

My desk at work is a constant mess. I periodically try to clean but people either plop papers down on it or make me get out papers that I tucked away so I just leave a pile of the most commonly shuffled papers one on end and less commonly shuffled papers on the other end.

I can hear the mouse going through my things at night and I think that's just rude. They are my things. He has no business touching my stuff. You should see the tail on him, looks like half a wire coat hanger.

If I could be anywhere in the world right now, I'd be in my bed taking a snooze. Maybe with some light television to lull me. Something with sitcoms.

The other night I fell asleep with the TV on and I was convinced I was going to start investing commodities (they can earn 10 times the dividends of traditional stocks) as well as looking into no money down real estate. I hear you can be your own boss.

I'm Watching You People

2005-04-19T18:04:00.000-04:00

Today the Roman Catholic Church selected a new Pope. Pope Benedict XVI is now head of the Roman Catholic Church. I hope he enjoys being the mayor of Vatican City. A lot of people at my job were disappointed at the selection of the current Pope. Someone called him the "Antichrist" another person got so upset she had to go home. As a lazy protestant, I don't really have any business telling the Roman Catholic church what to do. But it seems to me that the only thing the Pope does is tell everyone what not to do, then everyone goes and does it. Now this Pope is supposedly very strict and conservative, so judging by the stuff he will probably being telling the Roman Catholics not to do, we are in for some fun times. Let's do this.

I was in the park eating lunch by myself the other day and these little tiny kids were walking around blowing these little toy horns. It was an awful sound and I wanted to say, "Hey, hey, hey, enough. We get the picture!" But then I thought why do we stuff like that to stop children from doing their silliness. What is the picture? A picture of little kids wanting to play their two dollar horns? And if I get the picture what do the kids care? All they want to do is walk around blwoing the cheap little horns and pat each other on the back for what good job they're doing.

What else is going on? The weather's been nice. I see the sundresses are starting to come out. Do men have the equivalent of the sundress? The jeans and t-shirts? Do women get excited about spring time because of all the guys in jeans and t-shirts? I have no idea.

What's going on in the world politcally? George W. Bush is still going strong. Who is this guy? He won't stop acting like he's president he just keeps on going on like Florida never happened. Would you seriously trust him with your money? WOuld you snd him out to get groceries for you? You'd tell him all the brand names and specific foods you want and when he'd come back he'd have one shopping bag, be wiping crumbs off his face, and have a new hat that would say something like "FBI" or it would say "DAMN SEAGULLS" and have plastic bird crap on it. Then the first thing he'd say after wiping the crumbs away from his mouth would be, "I couldn't find the eggplant so I got you..." then he'd mumble something and pull out some piece of crap wrapped in plastic. And you'd just have to smile and nod because you gave George the money.

Goals for The Weekend

2005-04-15T14:10:00.000-04:00

It is Friday and the weekend is coming up. I have no shows, no rehearsals, no committments this weekend. Now is the time, I say to myself, to make goals. This weekend I will:

Move Mountains
Live as if Every Day is my last
Eat some Cheetos

If I just accomplish one fo these tasks, I will feel good.

Rips

2005-04-15T11:53:00.000-04:00

My slacks have a hole in them. If I were wearing jeans I would be the coolest kid in class. How is it that ripped jeans are fashionable but ripped dress slacks are looked upon as sloppy? I feel like a rock star with my ripped slacks. The kind of rock star that doesn’t die at the end of the movie but carries fame on his back like a well balanced yoke of dreams.

Old Enemies

2005-04-03T00:25:00.000-05:00

The mouse has returned. The years have treated him well.

I suppose I should do the dishes.

Lunch

2005-04-01T14:30:00.000-05:00

Today I picked up a cupcake from the cafeteria lunchline. It looked so delicious with all the chocolate frosting. They should have called it a "crap cake" because it tasted awful.

Student Loans

2005-03-23T21:55:00.000-05:00

I wish Student Loans had a no-payment plan. Student Loans are very deceptive. All of you students out there who have them you forget that they are a loan then February after you graduate college, you get a little surprise in the mail saying you have to pay up then you play the deferment gmae and rack up interest then one day you turn a little bit older and are like this accruing interest hiding from my student loan thing is getting kind of pricey. Then your like, what did this loan buy me? A college education? I learned a lot but if I knew this was the price tag I think I would have asked a few more questions in Chemsitry or not gotten up so many times to use the bathroom in Physics.

I really wish there was a no payment plan.

The Weather

2005-03-22T13:33:00.000-05:00

The weather is amazing today. I don't know what to do about it. I feel like I should throw a party because the weather is so nice. A nice weather party. Here is a list of people I would invite both living and dead:

Howard Dean
Howard Hessman
Howard The Duck
Howard Hughes
Diana Howard from the 5th grade
You know what take Howard Hughes off the list, he's had enough parties.
Howard Hessman stays on the list especially if he brings a couple of the women leads from "Head of the Class." If he can't bring the girls, then he has to bring the space ship from "Flight of the Navigator" or no party for him.
Harlacher to be my wing man for the "Head of the Class" girls and Diana Howard

Robot

2005-03-18T14:27:00.000-05:00

I think I am turning into a robot. A robot who can shoot lasers and travel through time on a surfboard. A happy robot who gets fan mail from female humanities grad students and middle aged english teachers.

I could be wrong though.

I sure do get bored sitting at this desk. I need to jump around or something. What's everybody up to this weekend?

Plautus

2005-03-16T14:41:00.000-05:00

I think it would be funny if the ancient Roman playwright Plautus were actually a platypus. Imagine a little platypus in a toga writing on scrolls? And then some dude in a toga would come in and go, "Hey Plautus is a platypus!" Then Plautus would freak out because he'd be exposed. He'd grab his scrolls and his stylus and scurry out the door underneath the dude's legs, just like a platypus.

Just like a platypus.

I will sell you this movie for 2 million dollars.

Monday's Message to the Internet

2005-03-14T13:41:00.000-05:00

I'm at my desk. Nobody has bothered me yet today, which is a first. My job bescially consists of people bothering me all day. They usually bother me in the passive voice which I can't stand. Somewhere in time, American society decided that in order to be polite, complaints and questions had to be stated in a passive voice. I guess people are too humble to implicate themselves when they need something. It drives me nuts. Often someone will come to my desk and say "The copier machine is broken," "The ceiling in my office is leaking," "Instant coffee has spilled in the lounge." OK, I know only one of those examples is a gramamtical example of passive voice, but you know what I mean. People won't go "Can you help me with the copier/ the hole in my ceiling/ my incapacity to do things on my own?" Instead they just state something and expect you to offer some solution to their problem. I can't stand it. If you need something, ask for something.

Another thing that has been bothering me is that people will stop at nothing to get a seat on the New York City subway. What's the big deal? Why is sitting down on the train such a treasure? As soon as the doors to the train open, it's like the conductor set off a starter pistol and everyone jumps out of the starter blocks to get a seat. Why? Why must everyone sit down? Here's my take if you are riding the New York City subway system once you are on the train you are probably going to be on the train itself for 15 minutes, on average. Stand, people! Stand for fifteen minutes and flex your abs or clench your buttocks, work on your posture. Don't race for a seat and look all happy like you won something if you get one. Don't have that haggard look on your face like you deserve a seat. Don't squeeze your larger than the seat size self into a seat because you refuse to stand. For Pete's sake! What's so special about sitting down?

I'm Tired at Work

2005-03-09T14:02:00.000-05:00

I have had eyes on me at work. Eyes that frown upon me not doing my work, so I've been taking it easy on the web log thing.

I have started taking orientation class at Manhattan Neighborhood Network, the public access channel, here. They have some great resources. I'm thinking about starting a talk show. Are there any guests you would like to see and what would you like me to ask them?

CHeck this out folks, you can have me and my friends make a bipic of your life, here's the link for the bid on ebay, http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=5960686797.

I am so tired at work. I feel like just dropping to the floor in a pile of limbs and just resting my eyes. If people were bothered by my display, I would simply tell them that I am very tired. And if they got in my face and told me to get up and get some work done, I would offer him or her a breath mint, because everyone I work for has nasty breath.

Ooh, I got a new email. I'm too tired to deal with it.

I was growing a beard, or what I like to call a four week stubble. I shaved it this morning but throughout the day I've been noticing spots that I've missed. I would be embarassed but I am too tired.

Can somebody come in and just sit in my desk and look like me today. All you have to do is make a couple mildly sarcastic comments, type fast-like, and offer a couple unrelated anecdotes whenever two people start a conversation in front of my desk.

I am beat. How's everyone's day?

The Weather

2005-03-08T22:43:00.000-05:00

It is cold outside.

Business

2005-03-01T23:45:00.000-05:00

Howdy,

I got 4 things to run by you...

first, this friday at 10pm catch my improv group, Jonly Bonly here

Friday March 4 (the first fridays in march are aways hilarious shows)
Gotham City Improv
Jonly Bonly and Book Club
10pm
$7
158 West 23rd Street
@7th Avenue
Above Monster Sushi

Then check out the following on ebay and you could have a movie made
on your very own life made by me!
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=5960686797

THEN check out the newest episode of your favorite online series staff meeting!

http://jeremiahmurphy.net/staffmeeting/episode3.htm

starring: Laura Dillman, Justin Herfel, B. Andrew Moon, Juliet
Schaefer-Jeske, Me, Mark Vonsternberg, Lulu Wu, Jessie Nelson, and
Becky Yamamoto

THEN check out this short I made with Justin Herfel and Laura Dillman
about two hardworking undercover park rangers

http://www.jeremiahmurphy.net/cpws/kando/

THEN take a break and splurge on yourself a little. You work hard. Seriously.

In Faith,

Jeremiah

PS If anyone wants a gmail account, I'm your guy.
PPS Happy Birthday, Bill
PPPS Draw a picture of your boss and send it to drawyourboss.com, I
need new pictures!

The Update

2005-02-24T05:49:00.000-05:00

Sorry it's been a while since I've written. I hope nobody was checking in regularly in hopes of catching word on my life or little blurbs of comedy.

Yesterday at work, a person I work for called me and told me something then wanted me to call someone else and tell them that thing. Why didn't the person just call the people she wanted me to call and tell them what she ended up telling me. And on top of that when she called me she didn't ask me to call the other people, she just stated something. So after this person rambled, I had to step up and offer to do something for them. I can't stand this kind of passive aggressiveness, at least ask for help, don't assume people will offer it. I compromised and asked the person "do you want to call the people or do you want me to call the people?" And the person said "I want you to call them." This response sparked some kind of sense of rebellion in me. It started to anger me why when this person wants me to do something, I do it. So, I called the people and told them the thing.

The Sunday Round Up

2005-02-06T10:52:00.000-05:00

If you have the Country Music Television (CMT) channel you might be able to catch me on a network promo for their syndicated run of "The Dukes of Hazzard." I'm in a labcoat. they filmed three different ads and you might be able to see me ham it up in one of them or wandering in the background of the others.

To check out my future stage performances, check out my performance calendar.

Sketch Show Recommendation

2005-02-06T10:39:00.000-05:00

If I were a wrestler my name would be "VEGETARIAN NIGHTMARE." You know what I'm talking about.

People, in all seriousness, I saw this sketch show by the comedy group Gunshow last night. It was a hilarious, well polished sketch show. If you would like to laugh soem more after reading my blog, I recommend you check out Gunshow's sketch show, "Color It Clean" at Juvie Hall. You can catch them 2 more times, February 12th and 26th at 8pm.

Nightmares

2005-01-18T23:34:00.000-05:00

I had a night mare last night that really scared me. I woke up and had to covince myself that it wasn't happening. I was making plans that if my dream was true what I would do. then I went back to sleep. I was beat.

How do you all handle nightmares?

Jeremiah

Michael Smith at The Golden Globes

2005-01-17T13:21:00.000-05:00

Here is the latest video of Michael Smith, live at the Golden Globes interviewing celebrities as they come down the red carpet. http://jeremiahmurphy.net/cpws/smith/SMITHglobes.mov The link opens directly to the movie (.mov) and might take a couple moments to download. If you just have dial-up access, start the download, wash your dishes, hope in the shower, get dressed and it'll be ready for your viewing.

Michael Smith is a character I do. He's a british news reporter. I got the idea for him one night listening to the BBC on the radio. The anchors were very familiar with each other and reading poems they had written. i have a wide collection of other Michael Smith videos on my website. he is funny. i think you will like him.

This short was filmed entirely at CENTRAL PARK WEST STUDIOS. I used my digital8 handicam, a AT835b shot gun mike, an XLR adapter box, a "Swiffer" stick as a mike stand. a green wall, the green screen effect from http://www.stupendous-software.com, and my unlimited improvisational talent. I edited it on iMovie 3 on my G3 iMac. The green screen renderings took a while. I'd say the whole project took about 3 hours, while doing other stuff as the clips rendered. That's pretty much the process on how I make my other films too.

The Updates

2005-01-15T22:36:00.000-05:00

Here's the trailer for my new internet movie, courtesey of CENTRAL PARK WEST STUDIOS (www.cpwstudios.biz), I SAW BIGFOOT IN CENTRAL PARK, http://jeremiahmurphy.net/cpws/bigfoottrailer.mov

It stars the talents of Laura Dillman, John Harlacher, Justin Herfel, Jeremiah Murphy (me), Mark Von Sternberg, and Lulu Wu. It's an ongoing project. It's improvised of an outline that I wrote. I direct the actors by telling them what the scenes about, then they usually take it away. i also throw things at them to say. I have a lot of fun making little shorts this way. I also think ti's a good way to get the best out of actors. There are some scripted parts and those are brilliant too. Like Shakespeare, those parts are. Really good Shakespeare.

I'm a big fan of improv. Actually I had two improv shows last night. I was recently asked to be a member of an improv team, MINGLE, which performs here and there at The Peoples Improv Theater. Our next show is Tuesday, January 18 at 9:30pm, appearing alongside the imprv group, The Book Club. Then my improv team Jonly Bonly had a show later that night performing with Gunshow. I highly recommend Gunshow. they're hilarious. Their website is www.gunshowimprov.com Check that stuff out. Jonly Bonly will be having shows Firday nights at 10pm, $7 at Gotham City Improv, located aboce the Restaurant Monster Sushi in between 6th and 7th on 23rd Street. Come check us out; we're producing the show ourselves and want to take your money and make you laugh. Our show last night was pretty funny. We were down two and only had four people and still put together a slam dunk.

In Jonly Bonly we start off the show by asking for a one word suggestion. Then two memebers of the team step forward and have a scene. The other members stand around and when something in the scene reminds them of something they stand forward, stop the scene, and tell a short story. Then the scene continues until we get 2-4 stories. Then we launch into other scenes based off of the initial scene and the stories. Come check it out, hilarious!

I'm also on a team at The Peoples Improv Theater called "The Happy Clap." We're a new house team there. It's a great group of funny people. We have a show coming up in Feb., I'll keep you posted.

This Friday, you can catch Jonly Bonly again at 10pm at Gotham City Improv. BUT BEFORE THAT AT 7PM, you can catch me in this fun show called Character Dog Run at Juvie Hall (see www.juviehall.com for more info). This show runs once a month. I've done two previous shows. It's a fun idea. Six-Seven actors bring a character witha costume and monologue to the show. They introduce the characters to the audience, then they improvise scenes together. In a past show I was a zombie stand-up comedian based on the role of "Eddie" that I performed for Chris Alonzo's "Carrot and Stick" in the 2003 NYC Fringe Festival. In another show I played Jackie Claus, son of Santa and 2008 presidential 2008. A good old southern boy from the north pole, Jackie Claus is determined to fight terror and insure rights for elves and elf like peoples. Like I said before, check it out. In this month's Character Dog Run you can catch Central Park West Studios actors Laura Dillman (The Death Troll, Komansky, Vanessa) and Justin Herfel (The Pizza Man, O'Toole. Julius).

I'm also at work on the third episode of my internet series STAFF MEETING (www.staffmeeting.biz). We go into production January 29th.

All this and I just found out my wife's having a boy. Just kidding folks, I wanted to make sure you were awake. I'm still single and childless.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2005-01-02T11:25:00.000-05:00

Happy 2005, everybody!

Just right off the bat, I want to say I could care less about which sports team TV journalists, such as Tim Russert, support. Whenever he says, "Go Bills." I go and wish he would elaborate on his last guest's suggesting that we'll have another attack. Go Bills? Go Report The News!

2005 New Year's Resolution

1. Clean Up. I have a full bag of trash and a stack of dirty dishes. by the end of this year, they will be gone.

2. Career. By the end of the year I will have a company card, a company car, and a company.

3. Marry up.

4. Get some breakfast for once.

5. Pack my own lunch. I believe if I pack my own lunch, it will help me marry up and be a kept man.

6. Increase my presence in the tabloids. There is no such thing as bad publicity. Or in my case, there's no such thing as publicity.

7. Find a new website visitor of the week.

8. Answer Mark Lenz's question in my advice column from last March.

Happy Holidays

2004-12-26T21:13:00.000-05:00

I am having a good time with my family in an undisclosed location in the Southwest, Yesterday after opening our presents, doing church, and opening some more presents we sat down and watched the "Animal Miracles" marathon on the Animal Planet channel. I don't have cable. I don't like endorsing commercial products on my blog (despite the fact that I do it frequently) but I could not get enough of "Animal Miracles." Have you seen the show. First of all, it's hosted by Alan Thicke who looks the same today as he did when he was yelling at Mike Seaver to stop hanging out with Boner. The show consists of three (yes, THREE) stories of the "miraculous powers of the animal kingdom." These stories, all of them true, usually recount the heroic accomplishments of a pet. Most of the stories are of the dog saving some boy from unruly water. But even those are good. I must have watched 4-5 hours of this yesterday and I am hungry for more. Some of my favorites include, Arnold the atack pig who saved his owner from armed robbers, the cancer smelling dog who can detect melanomas with his nose, and the story of an abused and emotionally disturbed mule who befriended an animal handler and even protected him against rabid dogs.

I don't know what fascinates me more the animals or the people. Watch this show!

Merry Christmas

2004-12-24T13:23:00.000-05:00

I am in an undisclosed location in texas, waiting for a plane to another undisclosed location in the Southwest. The smells from the airplane engines are similar to the fumes that waft into my aapartmnt from the boiler beneath my apartment.

I think while I am in Texas, I wwill search for a wife. There are plenty of wives to be had. Wives in jeans andd boots that are eight feet tall. My times is almost up. This internet kiosk is a rip off. I should have splurged at the Pizza Hut.

You Might Be An Actor

2004-12-22T10:36:00.000-05:00

In homage to Mr Jeff Foxworthy,

If you live off the Ditmars stop on the N and the W, in Astoria... You might be an actor.

If you avoid take-out because you need the tip money to pay for teeth whitening polish... You might be an actor.

If you thought it would be cool to live with some friends from college while you all pursue your dreams... You might be an actor.

If you use "pursuing your dreams" as an excuse not to do the dishes... You might be an actor.

If you keep Nutella in your cupboard just as an "image thing"... You might be an actor.

If you call your 8 friends a network... You might be an actor.

Jeremiah's Dance Party

2004-12-20T09:38:00.000-05:00

Check out my dance moves at http://jeremiahmurphy.net/dance/index.html.

OK

2004-12-15T22:56:00.000-05:00

I'm beat. I can't write this. I'm going to take a snoozy-doozy.

My socks smell bad.

Where's Harlacher House?

Christmas List

2004-12-14T13:45:00.000-05:00

Here is what I want for Christmas:

1. A couple months off paid vacation. This would simply make my day. I could use the time to get things done, relax, and pick up a light part time job for some extra cash. This is at the top of my list, folks, and its staying there.

2. A local A Train. Nothing besides free time off would make me happier than an A train which always made local stops, especially between midnight and three in the morning. I'd get home when I needed to and get a decent night's sleep for once.

3. A good snooze. I'm tired. I could really use a nice nap. Something with a blanket wrapped around me and ligth music playing. Think of this one as a stocking stuffer.

4. A chef. Folks, folks, folks. I am way too busy to be preparing my own food. The time has come for steps to be taken. Buy me a chef. A good one. Someone who's not crabby. I need my food to be made with love.

5.

Character Dog Run

2004-12-14T10:16:00.000-05:00

From Left to right: Stacy Mayer (Director), Clare McCarthy, Jeremiah Murphy (Me as Jackie Claus, Santa's aspiring presidential son), Phil Wedo, Justin Herfel (as the Pizza Man), Lauren Zinn, Christina Casa, Stuart Draper, and Shelly Stover.

This is an improv show I did last saturday. It's cool. Eight actors came with carefully crafted characters. Mine was Santa's son, Jackie Claus who's running for president. I was going for a cross between John Edwards and George W. Bush. Kackie Claus is a good southern boy from the North Pole. He says things like "Regarding the death penalty, you see folks where I'm from when somebody does something bad, you put a lump of coal in their stocking."

A Letter

2004-12-14T01:20:00.000-05:00

Dear A-Train,

I do not like you.

Take it easy,

Jeremiah

My Dance Moves

2004-12-10T01:49:00.000-05:00

Check out my wicked dance moves. Seriously.

http://jeremiahmurphy.net/christmasgift.mov

Chores

2004-12-05T22:04:00.000-05:00

I like to put dirty dishes in the fridge and pretend that they are are just really sparse leftovers.

Steamy Movies

2004-12-03T13:51:00.000-05:00

Whenever I'm at a movie with someone and there's an intense passioante love scene I like whispering to the girl next to me "If that were me I'd play some Cat Stevens."

Why all the soda?

2004-12-02T13:41:00.000-05:00

First of all, what's the standard blogging procedure for blog entry titles? Should all the words in the title be capitalized?

Secondly, why is soda becoming more and more of a meal staple? I remember when I was a kid soda was supposedly something like a treat. I was at lunch today, looking around and everybody had a soda for a beverage or some other ice-tea sugar drink. I used to do this too. I like soda, but shouldn't we all take it easy. That's a lot of sugar.

I'm getting a little thirsty thinking about all that delicious soda. Sweet, delicious, refreshing soda. Wonderful soda. Soda of dreams. Soft drinks, you tempt me.